it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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