She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
