You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
