She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
