But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
