from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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