But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
