Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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