Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
