1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
