Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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