Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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