Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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