I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
