Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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