she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
