Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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