Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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