I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
