shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
