This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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