I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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