i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
