12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
