She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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