I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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