so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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