he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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