And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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