I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
