Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
