I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
