my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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