Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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