After last night, I could never be a politician.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
