What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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