why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
