I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
