he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
