She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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