and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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