I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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