we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
