My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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