NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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