i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
