Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
