Yo dont text me then not text me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
