I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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