I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
