maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
