I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
