I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
