"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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