they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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