new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
