I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
